Twin girls are absolutely adorable—and they can be a handful. With twins, there’s less of an age gap between them, so twin families need to adapt ways that work for both types of kids. This can be tricky, so here are some tips on how to balance family activities while raising twin girls:

7 Tips for Raising Twin Girls

1. Balance Family Activities. Do you have one girly girl and one tomboy? …
2. Allow for Gender Neutrality. …
3. Share a Room — If They Want. …
4. Use Their Names. …
5. Ask About Separate Classrooms. …
6. Get Thrifty at Party Planning. …
7. Encourage Independent Interests.

Is your girl a strong and independent thinker? Or maybe she’s more reserved, and likes having everything planned out for her. Either way, there are some tips to help you raise twin girls!

Raising twins can be an exciting and exhilarating time, with many challenges and triumphs. It is important to recognize the unique differences in twins, especially as they grow up. In this article we offer some advice on how to best support your twins during their essential childhood years:

Because your daughter’s gender will shape how you parent from the start, it’s important to plan for this. Planning ahead can help you ease everyone into their shared parenting journey, whether you and your partner are parents already or two first-time moms. Here’s what to do:

Having Twins Ruined My Life

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I hear, “Oh well, since they are twins, you only have to do things once for two kids, right?” Or, “Well, I’m sure you have them in the same sports/extracurricular activities, so that should be easier right?”

WRONG. At least in my household, my twin daughters are individuals, and we have tried to treat them as individuals from day one. And while yes, as babies, we had them on the same schedule, we made sure they napped and ate at the same time, we fed them the same meals; however, they are still two humans. Having twins meant double of everything. Two swings, two boppys, two high chairs, two car seats, and well, a lot of times, two of everything turned into four of everything. So yes, I thought we would be able to get away with many two-for-ones, but boy was I wrong!

The fact is that twins can be 100% different from each other. I know, hard to believe, right? 😉 But, at least in our family, our 10-year-old fraternal girls are like night and day.

Which would you prefer?

8-hours of uninterrupted sleep every night

A full-time nanny

A personal chef

House cleans itself

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The Similarities and Differences of Twins

Our Twin Daughters are Very Different

They are physically different.

And for our family, I mean really different. One is blonde; the other is brunette. One is almost three inches taller and has always been longer since birth. One has blue eyes, and the other has green eyes. One seems to be going through puberty first, while the other doesn’t seem phased. One is very flexible (is a gymnast), and the other is not. One is a singer and a dancer, and the other would never sing even if you paid her.

They are emotionally different.

While our twin daughters are being raised by the same parents, they are both emotionally different in the same household at the same time. One is very empathetic and is always worried about what people think. The other has no clue and lives her best life. One constantly analyzes the situation, and the other can easily go with the flow. One is always trying to make people laugh, and the other wants to make sure she is included and includes everyone.

They like different things.

It’s true. I mean, as toddlers, for the most part, my twin daughters always wanted what each other had. But once they grew older, they have developed their own likes and dislikes. I love this because it tells me they are becoming their own person and developing their own sense of self.

For example, one loves to eat and could eat all day if I let her. The other eats if she’s hungry. One loves carrots; the other loves cucumbers. One is into boys; the other couldn’t care less. One likes to sleep in, and the other is up before us on the weekends. One loves chocolate . . . wait, okay, they both love chocolate.

They don’t always dress the same.

Although there are some days when they love to dress the same, most days, my girls come downstairs in entirely different outfits. I used to dress them alike, but eventually, they learned their own likes and dislikes. However, there are so many moments when they end up wearing the same thing without even planning to!

They’re not in the same extracurricular activities.

I know hard to believe, but it’s true. Of course, when they were little, we had them try out all the things together. But over time, we slowly noticed their strengths and made sure we listened to their needs and desires when it came to this. Yes, my life would be SO much easier if they were in the same sports and activities. However, it would be very unfair to group them into one. For now, they’re both in dance. One is in gymnastics, and the other is in competitive dance and coding. One sings, and they both do piano. And yes, it’s exhausting because there is no older sibling here, so both of their activities take the same priority all the time.

They have the same friends.

We have always kept our twin daughters in the same class. Truthfully, we did this initially because it was easier to deal with one classroom rather than two. But as they got older, we made sure to ask them what they wanted for themselves, and well, they have never wanted to separate. Honestly, most people assume this would not be a good choice. However, each set of twins has a different dynamic. This works for them and us. And while they have the same group of friends, they also have friends in the group to whom each is closer. They’ve learned each other’s strengths in school and have helped each other a lot when 3rd and 4th-grade math has become too hard for mom (sigh).

They are best friends.

But in all honesty, they are. Our twin daughters can be anywhere and have a good time. They’ve been this way since they learned how to play. This year was the first year they haven’t shared a bedroom, and boy, were they sad. While it seems to be going great, they chat every night, read together in each other’s room and find ways to be together until the minute they go to bed. And like any siblings, they have arguments, but they are rare and minimal in all honesty.

But They’re Also So Similar!

Twins are all so different! But they can also be very similar. Here are some quirky and fun facts about how my twin daughters are different and the same:

• They still like to match.
• They shower together (and might kill me for sharing this).
• My girls stick up for each other if either their dad or I are upset with them.
• We take them on date nights, mom and twin, and then mom and other twin.
• They shared a room until they were ten.
• They’ve been in the same class since preschool.
• They were born vaginally, 30 minutes apart.
• Usually, when one gets something or does something, the other has to as well.
• They don’t compete in school. Instead, they support each other.
• They do argue about who has more ice cream in their bowl.
• One started talking a lot while it took the other some time to catch up.
• The one who talked early on is still the most vocal of the two.
• One needs a lot of dental work and the other doesn’t need much.
• One is going through puberty and the other hasn’t started.
• They’re both the best big sisters to their little one-year-old sister.

Every set of twins/multiples is different. But what I’ve learned is that no matter how much you try to raise them the same, with the same morals, rules, and values, they will always grow up with their own version of what their childhood looked like. They will always grow up to be individuals, to be their own person. But isn’t that the goal? Isn’t that the best thing a mom could ask for? I hold my breath and hope that they will always continue to be the best friends they are today.

Disadvantages Of Having Twins

When we found out that we were pregnant… and that it was TWINS… we had a 15-month-old little boy, Theo.

I would have been happy with whatever babies I had, but I won’t lie, I hoped that one of them would be a girl. For some reason, it never crossed my mind that we would have identical twin girls.

We did an elective ultrasound and I brought 2 blue and 2 pink bows so that we could find out together when we got home. I took the first bow out and was absolutely elated that it was pink! When Ben took out the second bow and we saw that it was also pink, we both looked at each other with dropped jaws.

Twin. Girls.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude, because I have a sister, and she is my best friend and the best gift of my life. However, I’d be lying if I said that things were always easy between us; that we didn’t have our challenges and struggles and DRAMA.

Not that brothers don’t have their share of issues, but I think we can all agree that girls take the cake when it comes to drama.

Now that we are 4.75 years into raising identical twin girls, I can tell you that it comes with all of the joys and challenges that you would imagine, plus some. It’s my greatest joy and so much fun, but I also constantly worry that I not doing everything right.

Raising Identical Twin Girls: The Best Things

Let’s start with the joys, the delights, the absolute best thing about having a twin sister and raising these identical twin girls.

Built in Best Friend and Playmate

When Covid hit this year I was so beyond thankful that my kids had each other. My girls very rarely complain about being bored. My girls play together constantly. It’s bittersweet that they never want to play with me.

On the one hand, I don’t enjoy playing imagination games with kids. But on the other hand, it makes me sad that sometimes they ask me to leave the room so they can play alone!

Someone Always Has Your Back

My sister is 4 years younger than me and I remember my mom sitting us down after one particularly bad fight that we got into.

She reminded us that no matter how mean we were to each other or how much we annoyed each other, we had to work it out and forgive each other because sisters are forever.

I know that my girls might grow apart when they grow up and that they might not be best friends forever. However, I really do believe they will always be there when they need each other. They will have someone they can count on to defend them and stand up for them and walk through life with.

So Much Attention

When Josie and Margo were in preschool last year, their teacher called them the belles of the ball. They would walk in and everyone would make such a fuss over them. The other kids would exclaim “Josie and Margo are here!” Twins are fascinating to so many people, including other kids.

My girls loved walking into school and getting attention from all of their friends. I mean, how cool is it to walk into a building and have people delight in your presence? That is what it’s like to be a twin.

Raising Identical Twin Girls: The Challenges

So Much Attention

Yes, this was listed as a joy of being an identical twin, but it is also can definitely be a challenge.

Everywhere we go.

“TWINS?!”

“TWINS!”

“ARE THEY TWINS?”

“LOOK, TWINS!”

My girls are so used to it that if I’m talking to someone and they don’t acknowledge my girls, Josie and Margo will exclaim “We’re twins!”

It can be really sweet to get lots of attention but it can also be really annoying, like when I just need to buy 5 things from Target, I don’t want to hear about your cousin’s-half sister’s -best friend’s-nieces classmate’s-twins.

People Can’t Tell You Apart

It’s called twin blinders when twin parents don’t think that their identical twins look anything alike.

But it’s a real thing.

Despite the fact that identical twins have identical DNA, I don’t think my twin girls look anything alike. They definitely looked more alike as babies, but the older they get, the less alike they look. They both suck their thumbs, but Margo stopped and Josie still does at the age of 4 (don’t come at me, we have tried everything.)

This has definitely changed the shape of their faces.

Josie and Margo are actually identical mirror image twins. They were born with cataracts in opposite eyes (Josie’s was surgically removed earlier this year). Their hair also parts on opposite sides, and when they got teeth as babies they always came in at the same time but on opposite sides.

Their friends at school couldn’t tell them apart, even when they had different colored glasses and wore different outfits to school. We even have many family members who can’t tell them apart. They haven’t been very frustrated by it yet, but they were only in preschool for a few months before the world shut down because of the pandemic. We’ll see what happens when they start Kindergarten!

Related:

The Benefits of Separating Twins in School

The Benefits of Keeping Twins Together in School

Picture Confusion

You know how I said that we have twin blinders and don’t think our twins look anything alike? Yes, well that changes in pictures. We have pictures of our girls as babies where we absolutely cannot tell them apart.

We also have pictures where we are preeeeetttyyy sure who is who but not positive. And Josie and Margo always look at their baby and toddler pictures and ask which one they are.

Twin mom tip: LABEL YOUR BABY AND TODDLER PICTURES.

Just trust me and do it. Unless you have some fancy system of always dressing them in different colors, you will forget. Our system was dressing Margo in pink and Josie in the coordinating color, whether it was purple or green or yellow (which is so funny that now Margo hates pink and Josie loves it).

But sometimes they had matching clothes, or sometimes an outfit got dirty and we just threw on whatever was available.

Label. Your. Pictures.

Related –> 9 Things All Twin Moms Know to Be True

Comparison/Competition

How do you raise twins… especially identical twin girls… to not compete with each other? How do you help them cheer each other on and celebrate each other’s strengths when it might be drawing attention to their weaknesses?

I am not even 5 years into raising twins, so don’t think that I am claiming to be an expert with all of the answers. But what I can claim is that raising my twins (actually all of my children) to be secure, happy, well rounded individuals is the most important thing to me. I am constantly reading, evaluating and being intentional with how I raise them.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far (but this should probably be a separate blog post, amiright?):

Celebrate and Praise Their Individual Victories

I know that it can feel mean to celebrate something that one twin has learned how to do if the other hasn’t mastered it yet, but it is crucial to do that. You don’t have to go overboard, but my rule of thumb is that if I praise and celebrate a singleton for something, I’ll do if for my twins.

If one twin learns how to read and the other hasn’t? Praise them.

If one twin masters potty training and the other twin hasn’t? Praise them.

If one twin demonstrates kindness or generosity? Praise them.

If one twin scores a soccer goal that wins the game? Praise them.

One on One Time

I know it can be really hard, but try to fit in as much one on one time as you can with your twins. This can be difficult if you have multiple children other than your twins and it’s something that we have slacked on because of having a new baby in the middle of a pandemic. However, we still do our best, even if it’s just taking one kid by themselves to pick up a curbside order while listening to the Frozen soundtrack.

Avoid Labels

So often with twins you hear them referred to as “the one.” The pretty one, the quiet one, the fun one, so on and so forth.

Josie is social, outgoing, and loves all people. Margo prefers to sit back and observe, and loves her family and close friends, but is wary of strangers. Some would label them as the outgoing one, the shy one, the social one, so on and so forth.

Even though I can plainly see the differences in their personalities and comfort levels, I will not put those labels on them.

Identity Confusion

It is so important to me that my girls learn how to be true to themselves, no matter what that looks like.

If they both love the same things and have the same interests, that’s fine with me.

If they love different things and have different interests, that’s also fine with me.

I worry that sometimes they choose to like different things just for the sake of being different, or DON’T choose what they actually like because they want to be the same.

I have a few examples. Josie loves the colors pink and purple, and Margo loves the colors green, orange, and yellow. I sometimes worry that Margo has only chosen her favorite colors to be different, or because she thinks she can’t have the same favorite colors as Josie.

When I had the girls make their Christmas lists this year, Margo’s list was pretty random and I didn’t feel like there was anything on it that really stuck out to me as something that she would truly love. Josie had put some Disney princess dolls on her list and I remembered Margo looking at them in the catalog. When I asked Margo about them, she told me that she wanted Josie to have them. When I explained to her that she could ask for them as well, she was happily surprised and added them to her list!